alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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