boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
