1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
