I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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