ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
