she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I've blown a few things in my day
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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