then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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