please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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