Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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