Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
