goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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