I want to make a zoo with you.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
