He had one of those small greek statue penises
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
