proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
