God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
