And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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