The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
