Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
