He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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