Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
