It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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