the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
