I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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