I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
