This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Randomize
