Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
