all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
