I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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