It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
