I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
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Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
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Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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