It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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