in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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