ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
