Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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