Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
