he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
