i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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