i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
