Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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