You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
