Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Randomize
