vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
