So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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