This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
