Plan B is the new Plan A
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
