Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Of course I have a pirate flag
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
