i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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