The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
