Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
