I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
