his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
