don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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