He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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