She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
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