He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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