I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
In America we eat man semen.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
