My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
