If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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