How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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