he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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