she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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