now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
