You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
