Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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