There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
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He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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