I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
