Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
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