It was confusing and full of hummus
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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