Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize