did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
