...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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