I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
